Broken Again

We lay in bed with disappointment and anxiety, she walks away and changes into her pjs. I laid there like nothing happened, continue to watch T.V. and blocking out what just happened. She lays next to me and faces the wall, we look at each other for a glance and I turn away. She exercises while I fall asleep, she stays deep into the night, just sitting around, sleeping on the floor, walking around, preparing her clothes and with that she disappears in the morning. First time ever, I didn't walk her out. I felt a stab to my stomach, it's really over.
I haven't really felt this feeling for a while. It's a little refreshing and a little bit awkward. I've really forgotten how to handle this situation, do I walk around the block and cry it off? or do I stay at home, try to suffocate myself, get hungry and hit up a nearby Wendy's? I will probably call a random person on my phonebook in the middle of doing the first option. I never thought sex was ever an important part of a relationship even though I thought that, I pushed for it and made it the reason for this heart break. It really didn't hit me that were not together until I came home and saw the note you left me.
 
It's ironic, the ring and the farewell. I thought it meant eternity, but it's really true "nothing lasts forever" and I really did believe that we would get married and have a house, 3 kids a husky and a cat. I would still have my Maria and you would have some type of Lexus. We were suppose to move to Europe for the universal health care. You were suppose to be the pharmacist and I would be the technician that mooched off your degree. Despite all that I really believed that you did not need me. You were a tough one when we first dated and over the months you got weaker with a man. You let your wall down and I just fucked with it. I put your stuff in places where it didn't belong. I hurt you so much, I'm not sure how you kept loving me, loving me was such negative reciprocity. To tell you the truth, I never loved you as much as you loved me. After 4 girlfriends, I lost the meaning of love and I'm sorry you had to deal with my shit. You deserved a much better first boyfriend. I'm sorry for taking your innocence, I hope your love stays pure.

"The hottest love has the coldest end."
-Socrates